Over the past week, I’ve read and heard the term “Sink or Swim” several times. It never meant so true as to where I’m at right now. The week of November 7th was challenging to say the least and a part of me was lost in moments of despair and depression. No, this isn’t all about the election, but I believe that a played a hand in it. My mom has always worried about going too high or too low emotionally so I’ve been aware to not do that, to not get too excited about things, or get too down when things are rough and last week I felt myself slipping below the line.
This week, my adult children were going through some rough times. Not all of them, but 2:3 is a hefty percentage and I really let what’s happening in their lives effect how I’m living mine. My heart was somewhat broken and I feel I’ve been on this roller coaster for a few years now, it all added up to a breaking point. It’s so easy to say, hey, let it go, let them make their mistakes, focus on yourself, you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. All these words can sometimes be, just that: WORDS and the feeling of helplessness envelops you, or at least it did me.
I cut FB last week, I decided that my time was better spent somewhere else, at least until all of the Political bullshit passes. Facebook is a life-sucker, the people on there are much braver behind the keyboard than they would be in person and there’s a “keyboard courage” that I found myself falling into, so I had to take a step back and know that my disappointment in the election results is exactly that, disappointment, though my views of people and their personal beliefs have certainly changed.
Sink or Swim… I sank really low last week. I’m still not sleeping like I should and I think that’s in part because my brain is full, it’s drowning in worry, worry for my children, worry for my grandchildren and what their future holds for them, worry for my sanity and my country. I can’t let myself fall that deeply in, so I’m going to swim.
Over the past 7 weeks I’ve returned to the pool. Light workouts, less than an hour at the YMCA. Monday this week I joined a team. I’m going to swim, sinking isn’t an option. I’m 45 years old and back in the pool after 31 years. I last competed in 1985. Crazy.
This week, I’m eating better, not drinking and focusing on the good things in my life, I’m swimming in every sense. I have to let go of the bad things. The choice is either sink or swim… and it’s an obvious choice.
I’m going to swim.
