Hiatus

Happy New Year 2018

I’m just now coming back to the living after a full week of catching a viral infection and being physically worn down. I’m not sure where I caught it, maybe it was from the whole year of 2017 that my immune system was under fire. I’m happy that 2017 is over. It was a taxing year and right now I’ve gone from focusing fully on my children and their lives to slowly getting to a place to where I can focus on myself and my life with my husband. This is no easy feat. This is what Nar-Anon teaches us. We can’t control others but we can certainly control ourselves and how we handle the hits that keep coming. I haven’t gone to Nar-Anon since July, my “3rd” birthday. Whether it be because I’ve been busy with work, or consumed in other things, I haven’t felt the need to go. That doesn’t mean I don’t think about how it helped me these years, but I haven’t felt like giving back either and I’m struggling with a sort selfishness but trying to reclaim some sense of normalcy, after all it’s not normal to have an alcoholic daughter and a heroin addict son. I’ve felt beat down and maybe tired of hearing everyone else’s story and that they’re worse than mine (this is a true statement). It’s draining and I’m not up for it right now. Is it because my children are doing better? Maybe. The nice thing is that if I need a meeting or my Nar-Anon group in the future, I know they’ll be there, and I’m thankful for that.

2018 has started out pretty rough with being sick, but that didn’t stop me from making goals. For me, Goals are my core being, I function better when I have a goal in site instead of just wandering around with no focus, goals drive me to make myself better. This year I decided I would do the 2018 New Year’s 8 week Challenge with my boxing Gym family. I thought I’d try a new diet to shed unwanted inches and fat, eat clean and cut alcohol for the duration of this challenge. I’ve been hesitant to post that I’m cutting alcohol. The eating clean is a no brainer for the most part. I’ve done challenges before like the Whole 30 and alcohol was out of the mix during those 30 days, but it was in sight, after all, anyone can do anything for 30 days. 60 days is another story. I hear that if you think about alcohol in terms of how many days you’ve abstained from it, or if your basing your evenings out on who the DD is or taking UBER to and from your destination because you want to drink, it may be time to stop. I’ve been doing this for a couple of years it seems. I don’t know where alcohol got a hold of me to where I needed a drink to calm my nerves, I need a drink to put me to sleep before I go to bed. I need a drink with dinner, Saturday and Sunday champagne, Monday Martini’s, Tuesday Margaritas, Wednesday Wine, Thursday and Friday, Saturday and Sunday Wine and sometimes Whiskey. It’s too much and I need a break to clear my head. I haven’t hit a rock bottom like my children did and I’m not planning on never having a drink again, however having a long hiatus from booze is what I need right now. I feel better, my headaches are gone in the morning, I’ve lost a couple of pounds by day 11 (this may be in part of me being sick) but I truly feel different. I feel cleaner and clear headed, my skin looks better, I’m sleeping better and I’m starting projects and finishing them.

I’m excited for this year, I’m excited to be focused on doing new projects and sticking to doing what I say I’m going to do. My motivation is clear, I want to feel better, better about myself and the life I’m living and at the same time setting a positive example for those I love. 2018 will be about working productively and working smart. Both in my career and my personal life.

Last year, I bought a sewing machine, it’s an old vintage Singer 401 from the 50’s. I’m going to be working on projects that I can complete, starting slow at first but learning better sewing techniques so I can make my own clothes and clothes for my grandchildrern. This will make me happy. Periodically I’ll be posting projects that I’ve completed on here and I’ll also post my progress over the next 7 weeks while I get stronger and can fit into that bathing suit come March.